thirteen.

the supreme court of the united states recently ruled that banning gay marriage was unconstitutional.

i am happy for reasons that others are not. i am happy because maybe this will let a little more love into the world.

however, i am also unhappy. i am unhappy because there is a lack of education of many people on both sides of the matter.

unless it is personally affecting you that homosexuals are able to get married, then you should not weigh in on it at anyone. therefore, i take to this blog. this blog that has literally no viewers.

if, somehow, you come across this blog due to extreme searching, please be aware that these are merely my opinions and are by no means facts. however, as they are opinions, they are not going to change as a product of any intense opinions on either side of the debate.

to those who are staunchly opposed to gay marriage:

1) “it’s adam and eve not adam and steve” — yes, this is true. the bible dictates that the first two human beings were man and woman, created by God for each other. however, marriage was not a part of this union. marriage as a word did not come into existence for centuries at least. also,

2) “uhhh…sodom and gomorrah?” — yes, a city full of homosexuals and lesbians was completely destroyed so much so that if you looked upon it in its ruin you turned into a pillar of salt in the bible. but, shortly thereafter, lot’s daughters slept with their father. so that’s incest. so yeah. the bible is an overarching story of redemption. incest, murder, prostitution and ALL other sins are paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ.

3) “it’s a sin” — tru. so is divorce tho. and i’m not going levitical on you because that’s not a Christian thing, that’s a Jewish thing. the Bible does say “DO NOT JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED” and, y’all, there’s a lot of judging happens. personally, i would rather not be judged by God and be judged as if i were Christ instead, so  i’m cool with not judging people. besides, the bible is very clear about how we are supposed to love our neighbor as ourself. and, i’m pretty sure that we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt all the time. “i know i lied but it’s okay.” yeah, homie, that’s a sin.

also, we cannot possibly hold non-Christians to the same moral principles that we hold ourselves to. that’s insane. just like we don’t get held to Muslim principles or African principles or Chinese principles. everyone has their own sense of morality. what we can hold all people to is the law of the land. so, until recently, yeah, you could judge the lesbians and gay men based on the law, but now? now it’s legal. sorry bout it. that’s mothaf*cken fact

ON THE OTHER HAND

1) “Christians hate gays.” that’s f*ckin shit. westboro baptist is not a christian church. i say this with vehemence and hatred despite wishing i could love them. i am sad for them. i am devastated for the fact that these people have been brainwashed with the idea that christianity is what they are screeching. don’t mistake the radicals for the average. although if you take to facebook rn then you will be unhappy as i am.

2) please stop mocking christianity. please stop putting people on a cross as if they died for the LGBT cause. they didn’t. (this goes along with the whole don’t compare civil rights to gay rights thing, ok. i cannot speak for the minorities, but seriously stop.

3) stop gloating. you WON! you WON! you WON! congratulations! i am so happy that people who love each other can have the same rights as others! literally, that is the truth. however, don’t be rude about it. i know there are several people who are being rude the other way, but you won. so their argument is invalid. don’t be a sore winner, and hopefully they’ll stop.

these are terrible arguments from me. which is why this is a secret blog. thank god.

but seriously, why is everyone a sore winner or sore loser rn? that’s stupid. just exist. (i’ve been telling all of my friends that, regardless of my personal inclinations, i am glad this happened. and i refuse to get upset about something that doesn’t affect me until it does. for example, everyone keeps saying “THE NEXT THING IS THE RIGHTS OF THE CHURCH BEING TAKEN AWAY.” if this is the truth, there is a huge problem because freedom of religion is an important thing. and it should apply to all religions.)

sorry it’s late and my contacts are dry.

ttyl

twelve.

it’s been a couple of months, i know. but that’s fine because no one actually reads this. these words are just 1s and 0s flying out into cyberspace, dissipating into nothingness and falling on deaf ears.

lucky for me, my life has some pretty insignificant parts to it. what’s funny is how significant they feel each time they are present.

here’s a quick run down of everything that happened over the past five months.

i became a member of the executive council of my sorority, serving as historian. it’s kind of funny because this is almost exactly what i would love to do with my life. i am in charge of making scrap books, creating videos and running social media accounts for my sorority. people tout me as ‘the best historian we’ve had in years’ or ‘a god send,’ which is funny because social media is kind of the biggest scam in existence. twitter isn’t that hard. instagram isn’t hard, either. facebook is easy.

the older generations will hire out in order to gain social media notoriety, when, in actuality, all they need to do is post. it’s not very hard. it’s kind of funny, really.

we got ninety-two new members. it’s bitter-sweet, because we have beautiful new members, but their actions are less than beautiful. they are rambunctious, insane, and have little regard for the letters we proudly gave to them.

there’s a lot of flak happening with greek life, and these girls are representations of that. this isn’t the greek life that i joined. i joined a group of strong women dedicated to supporting one another and standing together. whether or not morals were loose, there was a sense of protection for one another. this group, i hope, will learn.

i took eighteen hours again this semester, but it was way worse than years before. however, i kept my scholarship at the end. the classes were challenging, but interesting.

in my women in religion in america class, i came into contact with the liberal christianity that permeates the religion department here. my peers would regularly ridicule conservative opinions, mentioning how ‘archaic’ or how ‘ignorant’ those who believed such things were.

but this just points to how terrible people can be when confronted with any beliefs other than their own. i’ve held several cordial conversations learning about the liberal perspective, writing my frustrations down and only trying to calmly and intellectually explain my own point. this comes from the idea that both points are valid. they are merely perspectives, not a right or a wrong answer. everyone has a right to their opinion, and, in many cases, there is no point in arguing. Why not learn about the other perspective in order to gain perspective? i just don’t understand people who feel the need to get on a soap box about everything or fight about everything.

one of the most disturbing things i had in the class, though, was when we were talking about foreign missions. she mentioned that the first women who served overseas were not called missionaries, but missionary wives. this was, as she noted, because the men had received training and the women had not. therefore, the women were not missionaries. while the sexism was present in the lack of training for women, the titles were not sexist. yes, the women began doing actual mission work instead of serving only as a wife. at this point, i believe they could be called missionaries. for example, a president’s wife is not the president but the first lady.

she then asked whether or not i would be okay doing mission work without the title of “missionary.” now, for me, this is a very important question that i have been struggling with. we are called in matthew to go out and make disciples of all nations. this does not mention anything about “also you must be called a missionary.” in fact, i believe that we are all called to be missionaries and, therefore, no one should require the title. i said i would be okay with it because i would know i am doing the work of the lord. i don’t need a label or any validation from humanity to tell me that i am doing what god has for me.

she told me, verbatim, “many times, women devalue themselves by not allowing themselves to receive the labels they deserve. this stems from the feeling that they will be unable to receive this label and are inadequate.”

this is a far cry from the truth. i believe wholeheartedly that i have the capabilities and that i could easily take the title if i felt that i needed it in order to do the lord’s work. however, i think that if someone is so focused on the title and not the mission, then they do not deserve the title and should re-assess their priorities. but, once again, it is not my place to judge their intentions.

i think that the root of the feminism movement as it stands today is insecurity. i am a feminist in that i believe in the empowerment of women. however, i do not believe in the degradation of men in the process. nor do i believe that i must completely reject female heritage. i believe that i am able to do anything and everything a man can do. i believe that, if i do the same work, i deserve the same pay. i believe that i deserve equal rights. i believe that i am just as important as a man.

however, i do not need to prove this to anyone. if a person tells me that i am lesser, i will confront the problem. but, in the mean time, i will simply know that i am equal. i will know that i am equal, and i will find my confidence in that.

other things happened in the past six months, but these are my biggest soap boxes.

xoxo kr

eleven.

why is everyone so obsessed with themselves? people are so inadvertently narcissistic. and some people are even proud of how humble they are.

our culture is so obsessed with being unique.

we think people are constantly looking at us, taking us into account, or judging us. it’s like when my mom thinks that people are judging me for wearing nike shorts to the mall. or when she thinks that everything that we say and do people are watching and waiting to chastise her for. it’s selfish. no one is looking that way.

we victimize ourselves. people aren’t saying things to insult us. people aren’t thinking. people don’t think of us when they say certain things.

we have this desire to be so individual that if someone else posts something similar on social media, we feel that we own that photo. we own that location. we own that hashtag. we own that pose. we own everything.

we don’t own everything.

everything belongs to God. we are on this earth to glorify Him in all aspects of our lives. we don’t own any of this. and we especially don’t own moments.

we don’t own a picture of a family. we don’t own a picture of a christmas tree. we don’t own a photo of a dog or a moment.

christmas is also such a magical time that isn’t about us at all. it’s a time to love one another and not say anything about things that they feel if they’re negative.

ten. ~interlude~

also, thnk u for paying attention to twitter boy.

all is reconciled.

apparently he thought i was a white girl account and blocked me

slightly more offended than before but w/e

ps one of my friends didn’t know what “w/e” was and said it was a new one but v sure that was here in the 80s.

pps we are closer to 2017 than 2007

ten.

i think my knee is literally broken.

not literally. just actually.

it clicks.

i am eighty years old. ~ E I G H T Y ~

final tmrw 8 AM

*gun emoji* *laugh-crying emoji*

nine.

there’s something about christmas that’s magical. there are movies about it. there are songs about it. there are books about it. and, maybe it’s because it’s supposed to be magical, but it is.

i love christmas music. the music is always the same and it’s always beautiful, no matter how kitschy. i love that the exact songs my parents listened to when they were kids still play today. i love that we get to add christmas songs and that the old ones don’t go away. i love that sleigh bells become an instrument.

i love christmas movies. i love that they never get old. i love that they are rich in tradition. i love things like the christmas story.

i love christmas traditions. i love that every family has their own, even if they don’t have their own. like, my sister and i always watch passport to paris with mary kate and ashley on christmas eve. i love that my mom’s side of the family calls each other and says “christmas eve gift!” and my dad’s side says “christmas gift!”

i love christmas pictures. i love that it’s a time for everyone to come together. thanksgiving is so focused on family–as it should be. but christmas? it’s focused on all the people you love. we get christmas cards from people across the country and from other parts of the globe who we only really get to hear from near christmas.

i love christmas clothes. sweaters, socks, hats, shirts, pants, leggings, smocks, jackets, scarves, dresses, idk.

i love christmas because people are nicer. people do nice things.

i love it because it’s christmas.

eight.

today has been weird. to start this off, it is important to note that i make lots of “twitter friends.” i’ll meet a person, we follow each other on social media, and we become friends. it’s just a thing. we don’t necessarily become real life friends. but someone who is always commenting/favoriting/retweeting. it’s kind of weird but also okay.

so there’s one of my twitter friends who used to go to my school but had to move to a different university. he’s a pretty funny dude. i expected him to dial down our twitter friendship, and i dialed back because it was kind of weird. but he’s funny, so i don’t really care, ya feel?

well. today, one of my friends retweeted him, which is super normal, but it had the little blue follow dude in the corner. i thought “wow that’s weird, am i using my second twitter account?” and i checked and i wasn’t. then i went to his profile. i wasn’t following him and he wasn’t following me.

now, this happens to me sometimes. i accidentally unfollow people, then they unfollow me. so i went and hit the follow button, preparing myself for an “omg so sorry i do this all the time.” but, instead, it said that i was blocked.

which, literally, wtf. i barely know this guy. he goes to another university like across the united states. he bears like zero significance in my life and i don’t bear any significance in his. also, he favorited one of my tweets from earlier in the day, so, apparently, i offended him with my tweet about christmas cheer or being up too late. tbh, i wouldn’t have been upset if he had just straight up unfollowed me. i would have noticed one day and been like “ok, here is the end of our twitter friendship. goodbye.”

but to block me? i mean, fine. why do i have such significance in your life? i just don’t understand.

but then, THEN, he commented on my instagram. which is weird. because i thought he wanted me to gtfo of his life. and he asked me to tell him why he’s so cute. uh, bc you blocked me? bc i have no idea?

these are two extremely different things. one is GTFO. and one is oddly flirtatious or extremely friendly?

and he has a girlfriend, which is the kicker. likeee ok?

none of my friends know what to do. and, hell, i don’t know what to do.

this boy was so insignificant to me a day ago, and idk why this stresses me out so much but it really does. boys suck. and it’s not even a “boys suck omg i love him” type thing. it’s more like a people suck. i hate them.

seven.

it’s 5:08 am. i’ve already said idiotic things like “it’s four and a half am” bc that’s what happens. you go on thanksgiving break, you accidentally spend your whole night creating the perfect sim family. you get nervous that your child with your person is going to be a bad child or a dumb child so you have to regulate their lives. and then it’s 3 am. and then your sleeping schedule is screwed.

and then you get back to college. where you need to do things. but you can’t because all you want to do is vacation. bc vacation season has begun. it is here. and then they put dumb things like papers and finals at that time.

i’ve been riding the crimson wave for the past three days. okay i was going to erase that because i was so disgusted by how that sentence turned out, but, since it was so disgusting, i decided to keep it so someone else could experience how gross it was and be equally upset by it. i’m a monster.

anyway, my mom does this thing where she doesn’t believe that we love her. she thinks that the rest of our family is out to get her and that we only laugh at her. she thinks we don’t appreciate her, we hate her family, we think she’s a fool. these are all untrue.

it comes from the change in culture between our generations mostly. we call my mom the thesaurus queen because she gets miffed if we use the wrong word or she gets offended because she knows the exact meaning of each word spoken. she gets offended by simple vocabulary because if you say that something is “special” she doesn’t like how vague that is. idk.

basically, the issue is that we switch off holidays between her parents and my dad’s parents. so we have a dad christmas and a mom thanksgiving, then a mom christmas and a dad thanksgiving. in theory, this would be a great plan. a for effort, you guys. but the thing is that that’s not how it works here.

on my mom’s side, she has one sister who is married with three kids and a dog. they live in the same metroplex as my grandmother and granddad, so they get to visit all the time. every time we drive through their city, we drop in. every time we stay in the city, we stay with them. usually, my grandmother cooks a delicious meal with several sides and dessert. it’s always quite structured and proper. my cousins and my mom’s sister, my aunt, usually are able to join us. on thanksgiving, we eat a nice meal, only it includes turkey and our dessert is pumpkin pie. there’s not much difference. the same people, same set up, different bird and pie filling. this isn’t to downplay the importance of my relationship with this side of the family, but thanksgiving on my mom’s side isn’t anything special. in fact, it feels like any old weekend that we would visit.

on my dad’s side, he has three sisters and two brothers. four are married, and one is engaged. together, they have seven kids and two step kids. they have about fifteen dogs. my nana and papa aren’t around anymore, but that doesn’t stop thanksgiving. background, we don’t get to visit this side as often. although my nana and papa lived in the same metroplex as my grandparents, their house was always full of people and short on space. so, even when we were visiting nana and papa, we were staying with grandmother and granddad. three of my dad’s siblings live in the metroplex, one four hours southeast and one two hours south. we live two and a half back east. when we would eat, my nana would have us run to burger king or taco bell. in the morning, we would eat pop tarts and doughnuts instead of cereal and fruit. we could eat oreos for breakfast if we wanted! the difference between the two grandparents couldn’t be greater. when it comes to thanksgiving, we all head down to my dad’s oldest sister’s house where she hosts a feast for all of our family, including my second cousins, first cousins once removed, etc. it’s around seventy family members–a de facto family reunion–every year in november. it’s great. when i think of thanksgiving, this is it.

now, for christmas, i mentioned that we always stay with my grandmother and granddad. my mother would protest this claim. and she’s right. we’ve stayed about four times or so. i’m twenty. but, the fact remains that we generally stay with them. which means we don’t actually flip flop christmases. even when it’s my dad’s side’s christmas, we do much more with my mom’s side than the other, because of our obligations as their guests. Now, I don’t mind spending time with them. but it’s unfair that each year we do more mom and less dad.

i know no one cares but i just really love my dad’s family’s thanksgivings.

idk.

six. an interlude

he broke up with his girlfriend

or she broke up with him

in which case she’s an effing idiot.

he’s a raw human being.

i dig that.

i told my dog i had a crush on him.

(the boy, not my dog)

he’s a little too far for me to actually crush on,

but that’s how it goes.

maybe i’m supposed to only date out of state

it’s less/more complicated.

we always have something to talk about.

we never see each other.

we never get tired of each other.

we get anxious/jealous.

oh well.

nothing is going to happen.

what’s 1300 miles?