two.

help. i have eight papers due in the next eight days. not a paper a day, which is also terrifying. but help.

and it’s homecoming week. which i love, but it’s also incredibly stressful.

okay. i’m just going to practice breathing and sleeping and other normal person things.

i’m going to die.

why do we need to shower? so inconvenient. and food? ugh. and sleep? THE WORST.

can i audit everything? plz?

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one.

i’ve been told to begin a blog.

yet, i can never bring myself to do so, especially given the pressure that comes with it. i’ve cultivated an image for myself of being quippy and funny on twitter. people expect anything to come out of my mouth, or rather from my fingertips, to make them laugh. and i enjoy facilitating this.

if i could make everyone in the world do one thing, it would be to laugh. and not a pity laugh, a laugh from your gut that makes you question whether or not you had ever found anything quite so funny. but i want to inspire people. i want to hide nuggets of inspiration among my jokes and stories of humiliation. i want people to take me seriously.

i forget, too, that it isn’t that i want them to laugh because of anything i say. i want them to laugh because they are happy. i want them to laugh because they love what they are doing. i want everyone to enjoy themselves. people so often forget how important life is! how beautiful it is! have you ever just sat there in the middle of an entirely boring class and realized that you are so grateful for the experience? or when you have to do a grueling task, are you thankful for the bonding you get with those roped into the same task?

mandatory events are sometimes my favorite. i get to meet the people i never get to meet under the pretense of hating having to attend! how fantastic is that?! karl marx wrote an entire manifesto on the working class and how important it is in society and it’s true: if there were no tasks to hate, what would people have to join them together?

think of the friends you make staying up late doing a project or the ones you meet working on a homecoming float at 2 AM. we would have nothing in common, or never realize that we did, were it not for that commiseration.

i like to think that i have thoughts worth sharing, and not small anecdotes or blurbs, but real thoughts. ones that must see the light of day. i like to think that somewhere, someone cares about my two bits. i like to think that someone understands my need to throw casual jokes in the middle of a sad moment or a serious moment. i like to think someone understands that, when happiness could be an option for anyone, i will work to get that for them.

so, i begin a blog. a restless night blog. a blog for me myself and i. a blog where my mind is able to be spoken without feeling the need to cater to my followers. that is to say, i have no followers. and, frankly, i like it this way.

i tried to think of a non-pretentious way to sign off and only found obnoxious ways. also, my initials are all top half, so i am uneasy using those. i am moving for simplicity.